Published: July 17, 2008 01:03 am      

BARRY ST. CLAIR: Things to do when the fish won't bite

As unbelievable as it may seem, even people who think they know a lot about catching fish get skunked occasionally.

Those of us who are passionate about the outdoors tend to live in a dream world. We fantasize about each and every adventure, and hardly ever do we allow for the possibility that it may not live up to our expectations.

After all, the guys that write those stories for the magazines we read from cover to cover every month get their deer, elk or trophy bass without fail. They share with their loyal followers (us), all the necessary details on how we too can follow in their footsteps. Their job is to save us from the pitfalls and guide us to the action. What a wonderful thing that is!

It makes great reading and it could happen, but most of us will never travel to the Amazon River for peacock bass or to Namibia for greater kudu. We will spend 99.99 percent of our time outdoors within 100 miles of home. If you happen to live within 100 miles of a hunting or a fishing Nirvana, I am a little bit jealous. By the way, if you would like me to accompany you to a hotspot and write a glorious account of our adventure, my phone number is...

Most of us will have to be content with squeezing in a trip or two close to home as honey-do chores and keeping up with the kid’s activities allow. And there is nothing wrong with that. Based upon a lot of my fishing trips, I offer the following tips for those days when the dream and the reality are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Fishermen possess an infinite number of tools designed to handle an assortment of necessary tasks. Two of the most useful are nail clippers and hook files. If you are sitting in a boat numb from making a thousand casts with no results, whip out the clippers and that hook file. Pull off your shoes and get to work on those toe nails. A good pedicure will make you feel a whole lot better about yourself. If you are like me and your toes get further away with each passing year, a few stretching exercises might be necessary to reach them.

Try and remember the last names of all your old girlfriends; pre-wife only please. This activity can consume a considerable amount of time if you were popular, out-going and got married late in life. If you married your high school sweetheart, you probably won’t get very far with this one, so go ahead and skip to the next suggestion. Let’s see, there was Kathy, Sherrie ...

Clean off the toe nail dust from your hook file. Open up your tackle box and sharpen all the hooks on all your lures. Especially those that are too good to throw away but you never use them because the hooks are dull. As you work on each lure, try and recall the fish that it has fooled and the places you have used it.

If you can’t remember it catching a fish, sharpen it anyway and put it in a separate pile. Probably, there will be a bunch that fall into this category. They make great garage sale items and you will earn points with your spouse for contributing some of your precious fishing equipment to the family’s well being.

One of the most important tools that boat fishermen must possess is a good quality depth finder. Even though there are times when I am convinced that they are nothing more than a video game with a fishing theme, I can’t fish without them. But I am quite sure that if you are like me, you never got very far past the “on” button.

So, take out the instruction booklet that came with your fish finder and read it. It will describe in detail what all those little buttons actually do. I found out that my machine can play four patriotic songs. And if you push a sequence of buttons correctly, all the sonar contacts will be displayed as fish symbols in four different sizes! This feature is a total confidence booster.

Clean out your wallet. Remove the 52 business cards you have been carrying around in there that have been causing your sciatic nerve to act up. Look them over and throw away those you can’t remember why you kept them in the first place. Before you pitch them, look on the back side for phone numbers. Try and remember whose number it is and why it was important at the time to write it down on someone else’s card.

Pull out the baby pictures of your kids that are all stuck together. Try and separate them without destroying the images. Marvel at how time flies. Reflect on the fact that the last time you could control them was when those pictures were taken.

Get out that knot tying book that you have been lugging around forever. Yes, I know that you can tie at least two fishing knots. But, you aren’t a real outdoorsman until you can tie a bowline knot. Now practice using your anchor rope until you can do it with your eyes closed. Let’s see ... the fox chases the rabbit around the tree and into the burrow, or something like that.

Fish identification is important in our business and sometimes can be tricky between closely related species. Pull out that fish identification booklet that is taking up too much room in the top drawer of your tackle box. Learn how to positively identify white and black crappie by counting the number of dorsal spines. You will sound like a biologist and this new found knowledge will greatly impress your fishing buddies.

I am sure that you can come up with a few more suggestions. Part of being a good fisherman is having an active imagination; if we didn’t, fishing wouldn’t be as much fun.