Athens Review, Athens, Texas

September 13, 2012

Mabank’s Kolton Browning goes national with upset

Art Lawler
The Athens Review

Athens — Yes!!!

Finally, the world of college football, knows the name, Kolton Browning.

You folks over in Mabank have known about this kid since he was printing his letters with a fat pencil.

You  saw  him grow up and become a great all-around athlete.

Back then, Kolton routinely used his left arm and his strong, skinny legs to pass for 400 and 500 yards worth of offense for Mabank.

 He was known in East Texas football circles  simply as a “Stud.”

Well, I’m sorry, too, ma’am, but that’s what we call athletes who can run and pass for yardage the rest of us can only dream about.

He’s also been Louisiana Player of the Week numerous times, but he has accomplished it all in about a 500 mile viewing press coverage swath of the U.S.

 Make no mistake, Kolton and his teammates have now gone national. Check out that T-shirt to the left.

Thank you to the Arkansas Razorbacks who sniffed at their weekly non-conference sacrifice known as the University of Louisiana Monroe.

No team has ever  been so ripe to get whacked across its Whoo, Pig Sooey fat-nostrilled snoot, as the highly ranked, perennial winning Fatbacks.

ULM teams have been getting crushed, as God intended, according to Sooey fans, for years.

Even last Saturday, the War- hawks dug a 21-7 hole for themselves in Little Rock by halftime.

The Haves came out of the dressing room and promptly  nailed up another touchdown to go up, 28-7.

Then, as sometimes happens in football magic, things began happening that made Pigs oink and chickens flutter in the coop.

 Kolton was  loose, running and passing the Oinksters silly, all the way to the Bacon Zone.

 I think I saw a Hog coach throw his cap 20 yards on the sidelines. What a beautiful moment.

A three-touchdown deficit is reduced to history. just in time.  My, my. Isn’t that just like a Kolton?

Arkansas got the ball first in overtime,  but the  poor boys from Monroe held the Hogs to a field goal.

Kolton and the Warhawks got the ball next at the 25 and moved it  to the 17 ,

 It was fourth and one. Pick up the first down, or let the Sooey’s off the hook with a three-point overtime victory.

Kolton moved to his left and saw big Hogs . He switched quickly to his right and saw the Parting of the Bacon.

He  ran through it like a starving barefoot kid  from Mabank, all the way to victory— whereupon his delirious teammates assaulted him with love.

The stadium in Little Rock sounded like a funeral parlor except for some rowdy “gee whiz” kids acting goofy down in the end zone.

His coach kissed him on the forehead. “I love  you, Kolton,” he said, and you better believe, he meant’ it.

  It was a game exactly no “expert” in the United States of America picked correctly.

Warhawks Who?

Yeah, I remember the night Boise State shocked Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl in arguably the greatest college football game ever played in America.

They said “Boise Who” before that game, too.

 Nobody’s said it since. The blue turf is famous. Boise is the winningest college football team of this century in America, and Oklahoma is still embarrassed.

Every fan in America — save the Bacon boys and their Hoggie  flock, — who love to see a giant underdog slay the giants, is rejoicing for the Warhawks and their outstanding quarterback.

 Just ask Arkansas fans.

 “That ULM quarterback is one tough football player,” said one  Hog fan.

Next to him a proud mother from Mabank, Texas, thanked the man. “He’s my son,” said Panda Browning, to the man’s  shock.

Kolton’s dad, Karl, is still getting teary-eyed from all  this.

Accolades for Kolton?

• ESPN National Player of the Week;

 •Walter Camp Offensive Player of the Week;

• Davey O’Brien National Offensive Player of the Week;

 • Sun Belt Conference Offensive Player of the Week;

 • Finalist for the Manning Award;

• Louisiana Player of the Week.

 • AT&T All-American Player of the Week.

Ho yeah.